The heading for this post is a well known idiom, which comes more of less from the Bible. The phrase ‘Pride goes, (or goeth, or comes) before the Fall’ is often said when one is struck down because of their unearned pride. I don’t usually look at myself as being an prideful person, more than I should be, but perhaps I have been feeling more proud of myself than deserved.
Whether that’s true of not, who can really tell. I’m not sure. What I am sure of though, is that I’m no longer feeling overbearingly proud of myself for my physical ability to stay upright whenever I wish to be upright. My pride on that particular one was certainly more than was deserved. Up until the other day.
What am I talking about? I’m talking about the great big and extremely painful fall I had a few days ago. The only thing I’m proud of with that one is that I dealt with it calmly and didn’t collapse immediately into a blubbering mess. I go on with what I was doing, and came inside to stop my bleeding.
The bleeding was from my chin. Lots and lots of bleeding. When I fell, I hit the concrete hard, very hard! I was talking to a friend today, who used to be a nurse. She nodded wisely when I told her about the blood and said, ‘Yes it’s the bone there, that’s why.’ Then she tapped her head and said, ‘That’s why head bleed so much.’
She’s the nurse not me and I believe her. I don’t want to hit my head to check on that though. Hitting my chin, no crashing down on my chin, that was more than enough. My elbow was involved in the fall too, with a graze and bruising but no blood. Both of my knees were damaged, bruised and my left knee grazed and bleeding, but fixed with a bandaid.
My thumb copped a lot of it, with lots of bruising, and for a day, it hurt quite a bit, so that I was worried I’d miss out on the event planned for the Sunday, which was the day after the accident. Luckily I was good enough to drive and the event went well. What else? My tummy somehow got involved in the fun and games, with a painful graze. I suspect the pooper scooper may have scratched me on my way down, as I hit the ground. The pooper scooper handle gave up the ghost today when I was out there being the kennel maid (carefully). Kennel maid duties, that’s what I was doing when this fall happened. I’m glad I can still play an active role in the household, even if it’s slower than usual!
I’ve noticed I heal slightly more slowly than I used to, but healing does happen. I think that’s caused by the MS, or The part that was damaged the most though, that was my pride. On the Saturday night, during the evening meal on the day of the accident, I had a bit of a cry. The other members of the family were blaming me for the accident, and I felt deeply hurt. I’d paid the price in injury, it hurt me to be attacked by them too. So I cried for the first time in a very long time.
They both apologised and I felt a lot better. I was crying for my sense of self-worth, my bruised pride, and who knows what else. I know that once the tears were over, my feelings felt better and I went back to feeling more in charge than I was after I fell.
I have to admit to being a teensy bit happy to have bruises to show, it may be weird, but I just like the outward proof of something having happened to me. My MS doesn’t have any outward signs at all. I have tingling in my fingers and feet, and various bits feel numb at various times, or they may not work every now and then. But people have to take my word for that, because I look like I’m fine, whether I am or not. If you look at me right now, though, you certainly know I’ve had some bad things happen to me. Silly maybe, but there you go. I suspect I’m not the only person with one of these ‘invisible diseases’ who feels like this.