Much Scrambled

MS can stand for many things. The main one for me, and for this blogsite, is Multiple Sclerosis. It can also stand for Much Scrambled though, and I’ve found the Multiple Sclerosis symptom that bothers me the most is the MCI (Mild Cognitive I ) I have from the MS.  The fact that I haven’t filled in what the I stands for, that’s how MCI can be for me. I remember the M (Mild) and the C (Cognitive) but the I wanders around in my brain, trying words our and rejected them, until I finally find the correct word.

In the time I’ve spent writing this blog post, I’ve been trying words out – Idiocy – no, Incompetence – no, I I I – I still can’t think what that word is … I do know I can Google it though, and find the word in a flash. But I’m going to keep on trying to find it. The fact that the TV is playing over on my right, with a program I’m totally uninterested it, but that I can still hear nonetheless, and I can hear the air conditioner pumping out lovely warm air so this room is comfortable instead of too cold, they don’t help.

I’m also sort of listening for the washing machine to stop, so I can then take the sheets outside and hang them up to dry. Having all of these things swirling around my head don’t help me to think properly. And of course there’s the details of the Festival my writing group are holding soon, and the things I still have to do the help to get that ready. And the novel I’m sort of writing tiny bit by tiny bit, that’s in the swirling mass of thoughts too. I have a much scrambled brain.

I still haven’t thought of that word that starts with an I … Sometimes thinking about other things can bring on thoughts I’ve been trying to remember, but it hasn’t happened yet. If it really mattered, and if I didn’t know I can easily find the answer elsewhere on the internet, this could well worry me, stress me out and so on. Those things, worry and stress, make the thinking process even more scrambled. Serenity is a help with the thinking process, and I try to spend time with minimal distractions and just think about nothing.

In warmer seasons, not the middle of winter, I love to sit on our back veranda and just BE … Nature is out there, the trees, the sky, the creatures, all just BEING too. This serene being is a joyful time, a time when memories and ideas float in and out of my attention, and I am more able to remember what I want to remember and just let go of unwanted thoughts, the way that trees let go of unwanted leaves in Autumn …

above the fish pond OK, not autumn leaves, but these are some of the trees I can see outside when I’m communing with Nature …

Hmm, I still haven’t remembered that word – I, I, I Not Insufficiency, Not Itch, I almost had it there, but it’s disappeared again … got it! Impairment! Hooray, I found that tricky word! Impairment, Impairment, Impairment! I often mistype this word and have to fix it before I hit the enter key. Impariment. That squiggly red line under the word when it’s on my screen reminds me that I’ve yet again spelled the word incorrectly. These things are great. Impairment in thinking is a pain in the self-esteem to those of us who pride themselves on their English Language skills.

But having a Much Scrambled brain, and actually being a published writer, that is a thing to be proud of. So I will continue to think, and to write, and make connections in my brain and the rest of my Central Nervous System, and also to remember where I can go to find the things, words and so on I can’t find in my own brain. The internet – Google, what a great tool for people with Much Scrambled brains. Who else loves the internet, for the ways it helps them get through life? What a fine tool it is, when our brains get scrambled …

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One thought on “Much Scrambled

  1. Diary of a Mad MS'er

    Reblogged this on Diary of a MAD MS'er! and commented:
    This blog is so on point with me! MS def stands for Mostly scrambled, as in the “wires” to the brain are scrambled, your mind and thoughts are scrambled and even the very sneaky, pop up at any given moment without warning vertigo, can scramble your once balanced body🙄

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