Monthly Archives: October 2019

Falling Down, Getting Back Up

So, OK, this wasn’t one of my most glorious moments, perhaps, but I can honestly say I am extremely proud of myself for what I did earlier today. It happened in the most inglorious and smallest room in the house, yes, the toilet.

I had done what I had to do, and then proceeded to go from there to another, more salubrious room in the house. I’ve done the transfer from raised toilet seat, to walking frame, to Knee Walker, to sofa many times since I came home from hospital, after having an operation to mend my newly fractured ankle.

But Oh No, something went wrong, and instead of ending up kneeling with one knee on the Knee Walker, I ended up collapsed in a heap on the floor of the toilet. Boo! What to do? I knew my husband was outside, mowing the grass outside, getting ready for possible snake season. Even if I yelled loudly, he wouldn’t hear me. I sat there a moment, on the cold tiles, and thought.

The Knee Walker was right close by, but getting onto in from my ‘floor sitting’ position, was impossible, I know this because I tried it. No can do. I set up the walking frame in its usual position against the toilet door, and sort of slid along the tiles toward the Knee Walker. My plan was to move the walker to its usual position next to the sofa, where I can easily get onto it and use it properly.

And I was going to do this, while sliding along on the ground, on my bottom, using both my left ‘good’ foot and my right ‘fractured ankle but mending’ foot. I got started, pushing the Knee Walker, turning it in the right direction, zooming it along the tiles and out of the laundry, as best I could.

It was like a return to my earliest years, before I learned to walk. I did it then as a child, I could and would do it again as an adult! The walker doesn’t zoom smoothly in one direction, when bushed from behind, from down low. It goes a short distance then turns and stops. It was a little frustrating, but I knew I had to do it, if I wanted to get to the sofa, the lovely comfortable sofa, where the TV was, and my water bottle was. I had to do this!

At least once I was onto the carpeted area of the house, it was warmer, even though the sliding was a little more work. I did it though, slowly but surely, the walker in front and me on my bottom, following along behind, I go to the sofa, left the Knee Walker in its best spot close by, and I pulled myself onto the sofa. It wasn’t elegant, it didn’t have to be that, it was effective, which is all I needed it to be! I got onto the sofa, got all of my cushions and the chair to put my foot up on, in order, and I sat back and rested.

20191014_142105
Hooray, what could have been a painful or at least embarrassing and uncomfortable thing, turned out to be a victory – Carolyn against disability, and Carolyn wins! With my MS, I have never had anything as bad as this particular misadventure, possibly because when I was at my most affected by MS, I wouldn’t have done what I did today, I instead would have had someone there to help me, and I would have accepted that help.

I think at the moment though, I am feeling more and more able, even though I am still unable/unwilling to walk on the foot with the fracture, until I get the go ahead from the surgeon who operated on my ankle just a fortnight ago. I don’t want to damage what the surgeon was done, and time will tell how things are going there. I have an x ray and surgeon visit lined up the week after next, and all will be revealed.

 

Fractured Thoughts

As I’ve mentioned on this site recently, I am currently getting over having a fractured ankle. This is not a good thing, there’s no arguments about that, I’m sure, but I have to say, in my opinion, anything that brings new poems into the world isn’t all that bad.

I’ve been exploring a new world, one of acute, rather than chronic illness, and these poems are here as a result of my thinking.

So, as a poet, one with a newly fractured ankle, here are three new poems. Read them, and you can see a little bit about my somewhat fractured current life! If you have nay comments about any of these poems, I’d love you to leave a message here!

‘Railroad’

 

I’m taking my time, slow, not sure

I’ve never faced this one before

Sitting down on my bum all day

My fractured ankle making me stay

 

A steady train-track of action/reaction

And not a one for the delicate faction

The pain intense, but silenced a little

Pills calm pain from bones, too brittle

 

Over a week this train ride as taken

My faith in myself, stirred and shaken

Recovery will come slowly, bit by bit

I’m not being lazy, as I stay here, sit

 

Next week will bring things to do & see

Workers with a new program for me

They’ve done it before, and know it’s real

They’re the experts who’ll help me to heal

 

‘My own Observation’

 

New hospital, nice sheets, brain 

switches on. An insight gained, 

or reason why, Nurses do that, 

with their pen. They stick it in 

their ponytail the way they do,

so when they do the obs, it’s 

right there when they need it, 

Obsviously!

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘An Alphabet of Hospitalised Wisdom’

Ankles are more necessary than you might realise, value your ankles, for they far more important than you may realise.

Bones & broken – a painful pair of words, as I have recently realised!

Challenges are character building, in good ways or bad, always do your best!

Denial of truth is huge problem in the world, and whgoile falsity continues to be wholeheartedly embraced, problems increase …

Ego – not a dirty word, unless there is no understanding …

Family and friends, nurture them, and you will always have help if and when you might need it.

Gratitude – if you can find at least one thing to be grateful for every day, it will help you have a happier life.

Heart – when you think about things with your heart as well as your head, you can make more meaningful decisions.

Inspiration is a wonderful thing in life, look for inspiration, be an inspiration, an inspired life is always the best life to live!

Justice – think on what is fair, what is right, and what is deserved. Punishment with no plan for rehabilitation is never going to make things better.

Kudos – always give people credit for the good things they have done, give the same to yourself, as & when appropriate.

Love can be the answer to finding true purpose in life, and living in ways to meet that purpose should be what aim for, always.

Mindfulness, a word, a way of life, an answer, perhaps THE answer, to ‘what it’s all about’.

‘Never’ is a huge word, & one to be wary of, because it doesn’t leave room for changes to happen, which may become necessary when circumstances change.

Open mind – if you can keep your mind open to all that occurs, considering multiple aspects of things, you will be able to make better decisions on all things in life.

Purpose is what keeps you headed in the best direction throughout life. Thinking and then acting on thoughts about your purpose in life is the best way to go.

Quality will always beat quantity, a little of the very best is far better than more than you need of  mediocre things.

Rational ideas, and actions are what separates humans from animals. We think on things and consider them rationally and so can make the best decisions.

Sense – making sense of things is what we should try to do, and if we fail to do this, we will pay the price for our lapse.

Truth is better than a pretty lie, and truth is how you can maintain the inner core of your best possible self. Never lie to yourself, always consider truth as your base level.

Understanding will take you to where you want and need to be. Think on things and work toward gaining as much knowledge as possible, so that all things can move in the best direction for yourself, family & friends, your community & the world.

Verification of the words of others, so that truth is known and understood is vitally important, always.

Wisdom is when all possible things are taken into account, before action is taken, and acting with wisdom should be the preferred option, always.

X – exceptional results, exciting times, exceed expectations and thrive!

You are the agent of all! If you don’t take action yourself, and merely react to things that occur, you are on the periphery, the edges of life.

Zeal and zest – these are great ways to live your biggest and best possible life. Enthusiastically embracing all that life presents to you is the best way to be.

From Chronic Illness, to Acute Pain

I have known of my chronic illness, Multiple Sclerosis (MS) since I was diagnosed with it in 2010. Living with MS has certainly had its challenges, from finding the best medication to treat the disease, to understanding how to live with the changes having MS have brought.

After all of those years, I can honestly say that meeting these challenges has been a good thing for me. Although MS has brought changes, it has also brought me clearer vision of what is truly the important things in my life.

I have thought hard about what is truly important to me, what really matters, and what I can leave behind, and not bother about any more, because it isn’t really important, it is an unnecessary thing, a mere distraction. I have recently begun studying Stoicism, and I feel this way of thinking suits me well.

I believe in doing the best I can for myself and for others, and this brings me much satisfaction with myself. Now though, I have a new thing in my life, a new challenge, and this one is an acute illness, which will not be with me forever, because this new thing is treatable, and I am certainly being treated for it.

This new thing has caused even greater mobility problems for me than MS ever has, but with the treatment I’ve had, and the treatment to continue for a month and a half, it will be all over, and walking will be simple again.

This thing is a fractured ankle. I fell over last Saturday afternoon, crash bang, and I couldn’t get up again, even though I tried. The excruciating pain was the worst pain I have ever felt. My husband called an ambulance, and then began my road to recovery.

20191002_110308-1

First off to the nearest hospital, having treatment for the pain on the way there. Then after having my fractured right ankle put in a ‘back slab half cast’, I was taken eventually to another hospital for a day and night. Then it was organised that I would go to a different hospital to have my ankle operated on.

I now have my leg bandaged, with the back slab cast and have finally been able to come home, where I have to sit with my right leg raised, with my ankle up high – higher than my hip or heart. up high anyway. Apparently this will help to reduce swelling, and my body can go on with healing the broken bones.

I have very good pain relief available, and I have mobility appliances to assist with moving about, when needed. This is only toilet breaks and going off to bed so far, I’m not interested in going anywhere else, anyway, not at the moment. I have my phone, my laptop, the TV, and my husband is here to get me anything I ask for, and to bring me the things I want and need, pain medication, drinks and food, and also to assist as needed to get myself moving.

I have a knee walker and a walking frame, as well as a toilet seat raiser, on hire to assist me. And the pain management is working well nothing being too much to bear. Life though changed, is still good!

So yes, it’s a limited life I’m living, but a good one nonetheless, and it makes me thankful for all of the lovely people I have here in my life here with me. I have a recovery plan set up, with visits from a nurse, a physio, and an occupational therapist, to help me to get my life going along well, or as well as is possible with a fractured ankle, anyway. Haha! I’m hanging on tight to my sense of humour!

20191002_091014

Life offers us challenges, and we must rise up to meet them, in the best way possible. That is what I’m doing, with humour and with gratitude for all of the good things there to counter the bad.