Monthly Archives: August 2019

Settling My Mind

I have had enough training and life experience to know that it is important to have a settled mind if I am to get things happening in the way that is best for me. My mindfulness training certainly emphasised that it is only the present moment that is the one can effectively be in.

I can’t change what happened in the past and worrying about anything ‘back there’ can’t do me any good. And I can’t do anything about what may or may not occur in the future either, because, it’s impossible to say what definitely will happen. Stressing about future events unsettles the mind, I know that.

So the only real time I need to concern myself with is the present time, because the ‘now’ is the only real time there is. While the past and the future may feel like times, they’re effectively aren’t, the past is a fluid thing, depending on who’s talking, and the future is a thing that isn’t real, because things don’t become real until they happen. In the future is a mountain of possibilities, but they aren’t really real. They simply may happen, not will happen.

Some things are extremely likely, others extremely unlikely, and all others fit in between the two. The sun will almost certainly rise in the morning, that is true, but if the planet were hit by something huge, kabang, no more Earth for the sun to rise over, and that likely event may be taken away by an extremely unlikely one.

waterfalls during sunset

Photo by Sachin C Nair on

Thinking about these things is a bit of silliness, that I am indulging in at the moment, probably because my mind is unsettled, right now. Like other people in Australia who have MS, I have NDIS funding available to me to assist in my life, so that I can live a good life, even though MS is taking away from me some of the good things in life. This funding is good, and I am grateful for it, but the process of working my way through getting the money, oh boy!

Using a system that makes sense, I assume, to those who set it up, isn’t necessarily easy for other people, me, for instance. I went along to the NDIS website earlier to today, to do something, then left a while later, tail between my legs, with no idea really about what on earth I was trying to do … It isn’t an impossible thing to do, to work it out, and I have support to assist if I can’t work it out myself, but it is definitely unsettling for my poor addled head!

I’m going to have another look at it later, and see if it makes more sense. Another cup of coffee might help. Actually another cup of coffee always helps! Coffee is my go to support when my brain needs a boost, as it does right now! It doesn’t settle the brain, but gives me extra oomph to get the thing done, and maybe my brain will settle better once it’s all finished and done!



After Recent Neuro Visit

Today I had my annual visit to my neurologist, and I have to report I am more or less happy with the result of it. I had my muscular abilities tested (arms and legs) my eyes too. He always does these tests.

I measured up well enough that he certainly seemed perfectly satisfied with how I’m going, as I am too, for the most part. But visits to this specialist tend to leave me slightly dissatisfied, in minor ways. I feel it’s because I feel like I’m wasting his time, perhaps, and my own time too.

What do I expect from my MS specialist? I’m not sure. I do know that he is good at his job, and knows his stuff. I am on the best medication for my Multiple Sclerosis (MS), and that is because that is what he offered to me, once it came out in Australia. Gilenya has been great for me.

My blood test results are good, and I feel pretty good too. I certainly have some problems, health-wise, but only minor ones, compared to what many are faced with, who also have MS. I do feel that particularly in regards to my mobility, I’m going well. There is certainly no need for a wheelchair for me, no need at all.

grayscale photo of wheelchair

Photo by Patrick De Boeck on

I don’t do marathons, that’s true, and doubt I could manage one, but doing marathons has never ever been on my list of things to do. If I wanted to do one, I feel that, with a good physio advising me, I could do one, (after lots of training!). It isn’t something that interests me at all though.

I’m more a brain type, not a brawn type. I only want to be physical enough to be able to walk around, drive my car, and get lids of jars if my husband isn’t around assist! If I were to lose my ability to get around, that would be a huge impact on my life, for sure. But at this stage of my life, it isn’t looking like that will happen, not for a long time yet, anyway.

The issues I have with MS that are troublesome tend to be related to incontinence, and that isn’t something that’s terrible pleasant to talk about, but we did discuss it briefly, and he reminded me it’s something we spoke of at my previous appointment. I indicated the issue has worsened a little, but when he suggested a couple of things, I let him know I was happy enough I had the problem under control, really.

When he mentioned Botox as a possible treatment, I let him know I was definitely not interested in that. I feel my problem is more a muscle related one, and doesn’t need Botox, if anything, it may benefit from training in pelvic floor muscle exercises. Apart from that, as I told my neuro, I have funding from the NDIS to assist with pads to assist with continence.

So basically, I actually have things under control, and am not interested in the things suggested. Is that why I feel that tiny bit of dissatisfaction? These visits to see my specialist are not free, and I didn’t have private health insurance, they may be less than easy to pay for. So do I feel I’m wasting my time and my money going to see him?

Well sort of, to some extent, but not really. I think it’s good that there is feedback between my GP and my specialist. My GP does the getting my blood tests organised, and has the results sent to my neuro. My bloods are good, going by my most recent tests, no negative affects on my liver, etc. All good.

So really, going to see my neuro annually is fine. If and when I have any more pressing issues, I know he’s there to investigate things that are beyond my GP. Do I need any more than that? No, not at the moment. Maybe my whinging is because most of my health issues are simply because I am getting older, and I don’t like that fact?

Yeah, that’s probably that, as well as my neurologists less than soothing ‘bed-side manner’. He is blunt, not rude, or anything, just straight forward and honest. Ah well, such is life, I’ll suck it up and be grateful for my good fortune, and stop being such a sook!